My heart is breaking, and as much as I try to hold on, I can't help but cave. I lack strength. I turned everything off and crawled into my bed. I've never heard so much noise from the earth as I am hearing right now. First monsoon of 2015. First heavy monsoon of my life. It feels like my apartment could collapse and crush me at any moment. It's strangely comforting because my heart feels like this weather- shocked, frightened, dark, and beaten. How can this rain and storm feel so violent? Where did all this come from... Just like my heart is feeling, it came out of nowhere. Unexpected.
I spent the weekend in Phoenix at the hospital and with little sleep. I spent the last two days crying with a heavy heart over my love. And now I'm processing and friends warn me to not fall into a depression, but I look around and wonder if I need to allow myself some time to feel this tormented burden of disappointment and sadness. Hope feels far away from me tonight, but I have to believe- just as this storm is hiding the sun- it will come again.
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