Last week at this time I was getting ready to go to work (Saturday job). After I rode for about three miles, I started throwing up along the side of the road. It came on very suddenly. I thought it might have been something I ate, because I seemed to feel better afterwards. Well, I started working and began to feel dizzy and sick. I plopped down on my employer's patio. I spread my body out and relaxed. I had to summon the strength to water the turtles before I left for the day.
I called a lady I know with a truck (my bike is heavy!) and she came and got me around the Sonic location. I had biked a couple miles, and I didn't see how I was going to make it home. What a relief to receive her help.
I had the chills, no appetite, and felt awful for a couple days. I called in sick to work on Monday (along with eight other people!) and went back to work on Tuesday.
All week I haven't felt like myself. I've worked and done a good job, but as soon as I come home, I throw on my pajamas and go to bed. I guess I'm still recovering.
I've watched a lot of the Gilmore Girls. I've listened to a lot of radio.
This has been my week, but it's been good for me. Sometimes it's okay to not do anything, to not put demands on yourself, to slow down.
Things can wait. People can wait. You have to be healthy.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Maine and Belonging
I don't remember saying this, but my Grandma told me that while riding in the back of a car with her and at a very young age, I turned to her and said, "I don't belong in this family." I don't remember the words, but I remember the feeling. For much of my life, this feeling has stayed with me.
I remember studying Maslow's pyramid of needs and being fixated with the "feeling of belonging". As I looked at it, the rawness of the need was felt deep in me. Do we all struggle with this through life? I know that I have struggled feeling like I belong. At my Grandma's funeral, I knew none of the stories shared by others, and on my other side of the family, I'm too liberal for their panty hose wearing. I think I was lost in the world of my brother's and sister's ambitions (inflicted by our parents) and never belonged. Between baseball/Air force and singing/softball, I didn't belong. My parents, of course, did not make me feel that I belonged because a big part of belonging is being loved and accepted for who you are, right where you are...
I was a Christian with strong beliefs and deep love for God that didn't fit in with many Christian circles. I was a non- traditional student going back to college at a predominately young college. I was friends with people that had holidays to look forward to, family reunions, birthday parties, graduation parties, phone calls from their Moms and Dads... I was a hard working server that didn't party. I was a flirt that didn't date. My parents cared about cars and clothes and I hated every moment spent in malls and fancy restaurants. I was a medium sized girl with an eating disorder that couldn't fit into our skinny sized world.
Maine changed me, and that's why it will always be a special place to me. Maybe it wasn't Maine, maybe it was the time, maturity, growth, and God's hand in my life, but I finally belonged in Maine. I worked hard to carve a path, to establish roots, to build a community, and it filled my soul to overflowing. It was a combination of so many things... it was the warm hug from my Pastor, the battered hard wood floor in the church sanctuary, the singing church bells at noon. It was also the friendly stop at Town Hill Market and a chat with Lilea, Carrie, or Richard. It was talking about the weather and our daily lives. It was the familiar roads, Crooked and Knox, and the ride along the ocean. It was weekly gatherings with friends around a round table to pray, give thanks, bless, encourage, and laugh. It was friends that invited me into their families, to stay up late, go on hikes, car rides, coffee, home made meals, fairs and sit by the fire. It was me being accepted for the person that I am and giving and receiving from others. It was friendship and love.
It was a sweet time in my life, and I miss it.
I remember studying Maslow's pyramid of needs and being fixated with the "feeling of belonging". As I looked at it, the rawness of the need was felt deep in me. Do we all struggle with this through life? I know that I have struggled feeling like I belong. At my Grandma's funeral, I knew none of the stories shared by others, and on my other side of the family, I'm too liberal for their panty hose wearing. I think I was lost in the world of my brother's and sister's ambitions (inflicted by our parents) and never belonged. Between baseball/Air force and singing/softball, I didn't belong. My parents, of course, did not make me feel that I belonged because a big part of belonging is being loved and accepted for who you are, right where you are...
I was a Christian with strong beliefs and deep love for God that didn't fit in with many Christian circles. I was a non- traditional student going back to college at a predominately young college. I was friends with people that had holidays to look forward to, family reunions, birthday parties, graduation parties, phone calls from their Moms and Dads... I was a hard working server that didn't party. I was a flirt that didn't date. My parents cared about cars and clothes and I hated every moment spent in malls and fancy restaurants. I was a medium sized girl with an eating disorder that couldn't fit into our skinny sized world.
Maine changed me, and that's why it will always be a special place to me. Maybe it wasn't Maine, maybe it was the time, maturity, growth, and God's hand in my life, but I finally belonged in Maine. I worked hard to carve a path, to establish roots, to build a community, and it filled my soul to overflowing. It was a combination of so many things... it was the warm hug from my Pastor, the battered hard wood floor in the church sanctuary, the singing church bells at noon. It was also the friendly stop at Town Hill Market and a chat with Lilea, Carrie, or Richard. It was talking about the weather and our daily lives. It was the familiar roads, Crooked and Knox, and the ride along the ocean. It was weekly gatherings with friends around a round table to pray, give thanks, bless, encourage, and laugh. It was friends that invited me into their families, to stay up late, go on hikes, car rides, coffee, home made meals, fairs and sit by the fire. It was me being accepted for the person that I am and giving and receiving from others. It was friendship and love.
It was a sweet time in my life, and I miss it.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Lee Ann
Last night I went out on the town. It was such a great day- a day off from work to do whatever the hell I wanted to. Gosh, I love those kind of days. They are so sweet especially when you are working hard and focusing your energy on others. I spent the day doing some shopping, swimming, taking a nap, cooking, and going downtown.
I've lived in Tucson for almost three months, but I haven't been out all that much. My first month was spent taking care of a lot of things like driver's license, background check, and settling in to my new place. I love getting out when I can, especially now that the weather is so amazing. It's hot still in the days but there's usually a nice breeze and in the morning and night the air is cool, and there are outstanding sunrises and sunsets. Often there is a soft wind to wash over you, too.
Every time I go downtown I realize more and more what a fun and lively city Tucson is at night. Now that it is autumn, downtown is getting even more exciting with all kinds of shops, restaurants, entertainment, museums, and fairs. I spent a little time walking around- I went to the downtown library and saw great art work displayed by the participants I work with! I saw this beautiful church...
My concert at the Fox Tucson Theater started at 7:30 and I wandered over and inside at around 7:00. It is such a great building, very vintage and cozy. People are free to stop at concessions and have popcorn, beer, wine, coke, or a drink of their choice. I found my seat and was delighted by how wonderful it was. Center stage about five rows up!
The opening act for Lee Ann, the Brothers, was great. These guys are from Canada! I especially enjoyed their Cowboy lullaby and the old Gospel number they rocked, "Jesus on the Mainline". Loved it! They seemed like sweet guys, too, and all of them had great hair. (Jealous!)
Lee Ann came out and was beautiful in a black dress above the knees and sheer covering her arms and bottom of the dress. She had on some high heel black boots and looked ravishing with her long blond curls and signature striking blue eyes. She sang so many songs! It was such a treat. I was telling a co-worker this morning about it, and he commented to me that hearing a concert where the musicians care so much is such a rare gift. It's true. The musicians were top notch, violins, bass, drums, guitar- four band members and Lee Ann. She sang a wide range of songs from gospel to bluegrass to old country and many of her hits. She honored the songwriters, herself included. She mentioned that "Twenty Years and Two Husbands Ago" is her story. She sang A Man of Constant Sorrow, I May Hate Myself in the Morning, I'll Think of a Reason Later, Lord, I Hope this is a Good Day, Last Call, and I Hope You Dance among many others.
I loved that this was LeeAnn's first concert on her 10 day tour promoting her first new album in seven years. She told us that the encore we gave her was her first since 2004. I'll tell you what I love about her music. She either writes or picks fantastic songs, and her voice sings out crisp and soulfully. Good music makes me feel things that I forget are even inside me.
I enjoyed being part of the crowd, too. There was an assortment of people all around me and made for some delightful people watching. I loved the men that came in with Southwestern long shirts with fancy Indian designs, leather vests, and big wide belts and Cowboy hats. There were women with long flowing blouses that gathered at the waist with wide belts, cowboy boots, and lots of jeans, blonde hair, and happy feelings. There were lovers, long time couples, people on dates, women that related to her songs and reminisced the break ups they've been through, and old ladies that still love to dance and drink.
Speaking of dancing, Lee Ann sang the song that "took her to the Opry". I can't help but think of all the times she sings "I Hope you Dance". Everyone is crazy about the song and many got out their phones just to record her singing it. Every lyric has great meaning, and it's a song filled with hope. As she was singing her gold winner, a couple in the first row got up and danced as she sang. The man twirled the tall, beautiful, red headed woman around and they danced tight and close. It was very sweet. Lee Ann blew them kisses.
It was a beautiful evening. I'm so thankful for great music and the chance to see it up close and live. It lifts my spirit and keeps it soaring.
I've lived in Tucson for almost three months, but I haven't been out all that much. My first month was spent taking care of a lot of things like driver's license, background check, and settling in to my new place. I love getting out when I can, especially now that the weather is so amazing. It's hot still in the days but there's usually a nice breeze and in the morning and night the air is cool, and there are outstanding sunrises and sunsets. Often there is a soft wind to wash over you, too.
Every time I go downtown I realize more and more what a fun and lively city Tucson is at night. Now that it is autumn, downtown is getting even more exciting with all kinds of shops, restaurants, entertainment, museums, and fairs. I spent a little time walking around- I went to the downtown library and saw great art work displayed by the participants I work with! I saw this beautiful church...
My concert at the Fox Tucson Theater started at 7:30 and I wandered over and inside at around 7:00. It is such a great building, very vintage and cozy. People are free to stop at concessions and have popcorn, beer, wine, coke, or a drink of their choice. I found my seat and was delighted by how wonderful it was. Center stage about five rows up!
The opening act for Lee Ann, the Brothers, was great. These guys are from Canada! I especially enjoyed their Cowboy lullaby and the old Gospel number they rocked, "Jesus on the Mainline". Loved it! They seemed like sweet guys, too, and all of them had great hair. (Jealous!)
Lee Ann came out and was beautiful in a black dress above the knees and sheer covering her arms and bottom of the dress. She had on some high heel black boots and looked ravishing with her long blond curls and signature striking blue eyes. She sang so many songs! It was such a treat. I was telling a co-worker this morning about it, and he commented to me that hearing a concert where the musicians care so much is such a rare gift. It's true. The musicians were top notch, violins, bass, drums, guitar- four band members and Lee Ann. She sang a wide range of songs from gospel to bluegrass to old country and many of her hits. She honored the songwriters, herself included. She mentioned that "Twenty Years and Two Husbands Ago" is her story. She sang A Man of Constant Sorrow, I May Hate Myself in the Morning, I'll Think of a Reason Later, Lord, I Hope this is a Good Day, Last Call, and I Hope You Dance among many others.
I loved that this was LeeAnn's first concert on her 10 day tour promoting her first new album in seven years. She told us that the encore we gave her was her first since 2004. I'll tell you what I love about her music. She either writes or picks fantastic songs, and her voice sings out crisp and soulfully. Good music makes me feel things that I forget are even inside me.
I enjoyed being part of the crowd, too. There was an assortment of people all around me and made for some delightful people watching. I loved the men that came in with Southwestern long shirts with fancy Indian designs, leather vests, and big wide belts and Cowboy hats. There were women with long flowing blouses that gathered at the waist with wide belts, cowboy boots, and lots of jeans, blonde hair, and happy feelings. There were lovers, long time couples, people on dates, women that related to her songs and reminisced the break ups they've been through, and old ladies that still love to dance and drink.
Speaking of dancing, Lee Ann sang the song that "took her to the Opry". I can't help but think of all the times she sings "I Hope you Dance". Everyone is crazy about the song and many got out their phones just to record her singing it. Every lyric has great meaning, and it's a song filled with hope. As she was singing her gold winner, a couple in the first row got up and danced as she sang. The man twirled the tall, beautiful, red headed woman around and they danced tight and close. It was very sweet. Lee Ann blew them kisses.
It was a beautiful evening. I'm so thankful for great music and the chance to see it up close and live. It lifts my spirit and keeps it soaring.
I'll Call Her Dee...
One of my favorite participants, I'll call her "Dee", blesses me every day. She is a woman in her late 30's, a colorful African American woman that wears dresses, lots of bracelets, lipstick, and carries a big purse. She has a mental disability, but to me, she is far above the rest of the world.
There are so many things I learn being around Dee. She enjoys life. When I'm out with Dee on a field trip, she is singing and dancing in the car, relishing her food, and shopping to her heart's content.
She calls me "Krissy" and is sweet to me. She will say "I hope you go on the field trip with us." and "I'll miss you when you're gone" (to the bathroom). She is very concerned with other people, always asking if this person is okay, and helping people come in and out of the door. When staff are absent, she leaves us little notes in our boxes. Yesterday I took a personal day and she left a little note in my box. She is very kind. One of the participants is sick in the hospital with the flu, and Dee is very intent on sending her a big card.
She also gave me one of her works of art today. I asked her if she was sure she wanted me to have it. She said yes. I told her I would think about her every time I look at it, and I would also keep it forever. I will- I have it in my living room on display.
The other thing I love about Dee is that she dreams big. She wants one child, a girl. She wants a Mexican wedding in a church, and she wants a man to bring her flowers and take her out to a fancy dinner. She buys a dress because she wants a man. She has dreams and they stay close to her heart and mind, and she's not afraid to keep believing in them. I love this about her.
There are so many things I learn being around Dee. She enjoys life. When I'm out with Dee on a field trip, she is singing and dancing in the car, relishing her food, and shopping to her heart's content.
She calls me "Krissy" and is sweet to me. She will say "I hope you go on the field trip with us." and "I'll miss you when you're gone" (to the bathroom). She is very concerned with other people, always asking if this person is okay, and helping people come in and out of the door. When staff are absent, she leaves us little notes in our boxes. Yesterday I took a personal day and she left a little note in my box. She is very kind. One of the participants is sick in the hospital with the flu, and Dee is very intent on sending her a big card.
She also gave me one of her works of art today. I asked her if she was sure she wanted me to have it. She said yes. I told her I would think about her every time I look at it, and I would also keep it forever. I will- I have it in my living room on display.
The other thing I love about Dee is that she dreams big. She wants one child, a girl. She wants a Mexican wedding in a church, and she wants a man to bring her flowers and take her out to a fancy dinner. She buys a dress because she wants a man. She has dreams and they stay close to her heart and mind, and she's not afraid to keep believing in them. I love this about her.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
tostadas turned tacos
I went to church this morning with a work friend, but as soon as I came home, I made these tostadas. I ended up eating them like tacos. So good! I roasted a chicken last night, shred some cheese, cut up a zucchini, added salsa, cumin, and a little heat from the oven...
I am resting this Sunday. Yesterday was such a busy day. I worked over five hours for C. I built a tunnel to plant leeks, planted and watered them in, ran errands, put together a fan, emptied trash, pulsed egg shells and kelp, took care of the turtles. It's cooling down and it was more than relaxing to sit on her back brick porch and pulse kelp, remembering the ocean smell so familiar to me.
I biked over 10 miles and am a little sore today. I looked at my body and noticed all these new bruises on my arms and legs. I have no idea where they came from... I bought groceries last night and started back at making smoothies. It feels good to be getting things done. I have laundry to put away, and a new week to get ready for now.
I am resting, though, with a good long nap, some strong coffee, and finishing up Ruth Reichl and starting Barbara Kingsolver.
This week is a new work schedule, one in which I am looking forward to with earlier times off. I'm also going to go see Lee Ann Womack at the Fox Theater Thursday night. I have three more concerts for this year- Lee Ann, Patty Griffin in November, and Judy Collins in December. How fun!
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Music Class
Yesterday in music class, Frank told the group in adult day program that we are all capable of something. We are all capable of giving love. Sometimes it is hard to love, but it is something that we all can offer and give.
I looked at the people around me, their idiosyncrasies, fixations and disabilities visible and invisible, but also at the concern that they share for each others, the smiles, the offer of cookies, lotion, the gentle hand rub and smile from a non-verbal man, and the sweet compliments.
We are all capable of love. We are all capable of giving love.
I admit that there are some people that have been in my life that I question whether they understand what it is to love, how to show love, how to feel love, how to live love. I don't know how it happened, how they lost sight of the beauty of loving a person, or even that this is the most important thing in life. Self protection? Insecurity? Money Cravings?
Others of us can feel like we're struggling and trying to find our way. What gifts are ours to share with the world? Well, we can love. We can all practice love, and giving love is an incredible gift that we should not think of as anything less than divine.
I looked at the people around me, their idiosyncrasies, fixations and disabilities visible and invisible, but also at the concern that they share for each others, the smiles, the offer of cookies, lotion, the gentle hand rub and smile from a non-verbal man, and the sweet compliments.
We are all capable of love. We are all capable of giving love.
I admit that there are some people that have been in my life that I question whether they understand what it is to love, how to show love, how to feel love, how to live love. I don't know how it happened, how they lost sight of the beauty of loving a person, or even that this is the most important thing in life. Self protection? Insecurity? Money Cravings?
Others of us can feel like we're struggling and trying to find our way. What gifts are ours to share with the world? Well, we can love. We can all practice love, and giving love is an incredible gift that we should not think of as anything less than divine.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
September Reflections
September is over. It's hard to believe, but I've already completed a month of service with AmeriCorps. I was officially inducted on Wednesday with four others (hopefully five), and I've been working a lot. I went on my first field trip with the day program this past week. I really enjoyed doing that, because I love exposing and involving my people to the community. I also love enriching peoples lives by tasting and trying new scenes. We went to the Miniature Museum and then over to Tucson Mall to eat. I drove the van, and I was gripping the steering wheel like I was about to have a baby! But I made it through, and we all got there safely and back to Arts for All.
I enjoy working with the adults. I feel like I'm already appreciating how they celebrate, care for each other, and express themselves with such vigor. I think of Tommy's smile and dancing, Olga's beautiful clothes and concerns, Roxanne's helpfulness, sweetness, big heart. I think I see how all of us have some basic needs, like looking nice and feeling good about ourselves, making friends, eating, thinking, learning, making phone calls, dreaming, having someone cheer us on. I say Hi to a participant every day but he is non-verbal and doesn't respond. Today after he danced with a staff member, I cheered and saw him smile. That made my day. I see the challenges that we all face, and individuals with disabilities face even more. I enjoyed describing things to one of our participants that is blind. I tried to help him see things with his hands, and I detailed what I was seeing to him. I was touched by his eagerness to take pictures and fascinated just as much. That's the thing- people are people and we all seem to want the same things. We want to share with others what we are experiencing, we want to be connected to the world, not isolated.
I haven't had much down time. I need my down time, and I find that when you care for others, you really need to make time to care for yourself. Last night I slept 14 hours. I've been going nonstop and exhausted from early mornings, long days, and late meetings. I have a little time at night, though, and sometimes in the mornings. I've been enjoying my Trader Joe's pumpkin spice coffee. Yum. So delicious!
I've also been relaxing with Ruth Reichl's food memoir, Garlic and Sapphires. It is the perfect light and interesting read. I am completely mesmerized by her stories and cleverness. If you haven't checked out her writing yet, stop reading and go do that immediately!
Inspired by one of her recipes, I cooked spaghetti carbonara tonight. I had all the ingredients- garlic, bacon, eggs, and spaghetti, but I didn't have any cheese on hand. I made it anyway, and it was so tasty. I can't wait to try it again with cheese. Sometimes you need a little pasta!
Tomorrow if Friday and the weekend if before us. I hope you all have a great weekend, and do something to care for your body and soul. There aren't any changing leaves here in Tucson, but there is a nice cool in the mornings and evening. Happy October, friends!
I enjoy working with the adults. I feel like I'm already appreciating how they celebrate, care for each other, and express themselves with such vigor. I think of Tommy's smile and dancing, Olga's beautiful clothes and concerns, Roxanne's helpfulness, sweetness, big heart. I think I see how all of us have some basic needs, like looking nice and feeling good about ourselves, making friends, eating, thinking, learning, making phone calls, dreaming, having someone cheer us on. I say Hi to a participant every day but he is non-verbal and doesn't respond. Today after he danced with a staff member, I cheered and saw him smile. That made my day. I see the challenges that we all face, and individuals with disabilities face even more. I enjoyed describing things to one of our participants that is blind. I tried to help him see things with his hands, and I detailed what I was seeing to him. I was touched by his eagerness to take pictures and fascinated just as much. That's the thing- people are people and we all seem to want the same things. We want to share with others what we are experiencing, we want to be connected to the world, not isolated.
I haven't had much down time. I need my down time, and I find that when you care for others, you really need to make time to care for yourself. Last night I slept 14 hours. I've been going nonstop and exhausted from early mornings, long days, and late meetings. I have a little time at night, though, and sometimes in the mornings. I've been enjoying my Trader Joe's pumpkin spice coffee. Yum. So delicious!
I've also been relaxing with Ruth Reichl's food memoir, Garlic and Sapphires. It is the perfect light and interesting read. I am completely mesmerized by her stories and cleverness. If you haven't checked out her writing yet, stop reading and go do that immediately!
Inspired by one of her recipes, I cooked spaghetti carbonara tonight. I had all the ingredients- garlic, bacon, eggs, and spaghetti, but I didn't have any cheese on hand. I made it anyway, and it was so tasty. I can't wait to try it again with cheese. Sometimes you need a little pasta!
Tomorrow if Friday and the weekend if before us. I hope you all have a great weekend, and do something to care for your body and soul. There aren't any changing leaves here in Tucson, but there is a nice cool in the mornings and evening. Happy October, friends!
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