Mid-week Milestones

Life has been good to me lately.  I've been enjoying a little down time in between jobs.  I've been swimming and biking, cooking and cleaning, and doing some research.
I've even felt a little rest and relaxation!

I have job interviews lined up, one tomorrow with more in progress.  There are three possible jobs that I am pursuing.  My newest temp agent told me, "I get you.  I got you before I even met you.  You're one of those that enjoys experiencing life.  You should have been around in the 70's.  I get it."  She had me figured out through my resume, my email address and phone conversation.  I enjoyed meeting with her, and having temp and staffing agencies have literally saved my life this last year.  Once you prove yourself as a good worker, they will have your back, and I am so indebted. 

I have another event this weekend which I am so totally excited about working! I will be working as a brand ambassador (once again) for PBR! I confess I didn't even know what it stood for until I looked it up, and then I started to feel jazzed! This should be fun! The money is great and the job is easy, AND I get a free pass in to watch the event on Friday and Saturday night whenever I am not needed.  I can't wait.  Bulls are such majestic animals, and I'm baffled at the sport and curious about it too.  I know a lot of other people must feel the same.

I skyped with a friend this past weekend that I haven't seen in five or six years.  This lady is amazing! She and I were pals back in Berea, Kentucky.  We were both non- traditional students and became instant friends.  She is a lovely Chinese lady from Myanmar.  She is intelligent and thoughtful, kind and considerate.  There is so much I love about her.  Anyway, in the last few years she went to an IVY league school in Pennsylvania, got her Masters and worked with Unicef and other agencies.  She was eventually offered a job with an organization in Germany, and she is living in Berlin now.  She's getting married in three months to a German that speaks better Chinese than anyone she knows.  I have to tell you what joy and fun it was to speak with her from my little apartment in Tucson all the way to her apartment in Berlin.  I was waking up with a pot of coffee and disheveled hair and she was going to bed soon in her cozy orange robe sipping a mug of tea.  I saw in her apartment boxes and boxes of books, and I got to hear my friend talk about her life in Berlin, a progressive, free city she loves.  It reminded me how wide and expansive the world is, how much there is out there, and how good it is to travel and take it all in whenever you can. 

Keurig!

Today I worked six hours straight as a brand representative for Keurig- hired out by EventPro.  Yes, I find the strangest and oddest gigs, but the money is (will be- it takes a month or so) very good for standing around offering coffee, scooping ice, and asking people if they'd like to sign up to win a Keurig machine by filling out a survey.  Oh, and cleaning up the messes people make from using the eight different Keurig machines.
For the first two hours I scooped ice while University of Arizona tail gating red shirts walked by- many were tipsy and most were young.  One lady told me, "You're starting to get a sunburn."  Oh well, I thought, at least I'm making some money.  After a couple hours someone in the team offered to switch with me, and it must have been the perfect time.  I was beginning to shake in my feet and hands, and I couldn't concentrate on what anyone was saying to me. 
I told my boss and he let me rest by the ice for a few minutes.  I rested for about ten minutes and was able to work the rest of my shift in the shade.  This helped me a lot. 
People are excited about free Keurig coffee, so we stayed busy the whole time. 
I was the "older" person among the college kids, but I found them to be very nice, pleasant, and helpful.  The lead guy was also very nice and thanked us for our hard work.  He told us that he'd like to keep the same people when he comes back in November- when U of A plays against Utah.  It's easy money, interesting people watching (what are girls wearing today? NOTHING!) and not very hard at all.  I'll just bring more water and sunscreen next time.   I didn't have black shorts or black shoes, but I borrowed one of the girls hair ties for a ponytail at least.  If I had my choice, I would pick the orange Keurig above my head.  I tend to like brewing my own coffee or boiling it for even stronger coffee, but I'll keep that secret to myself. 

Odds and Ends

Bob Goff, ex lawyer, is the New York times best seller of Love Does.  At the end of the book he gave his personal cell phone number, address, and email.
I couldn't resist emailing him, and about a week later, I got an email back from Bob.  I won't go into what I said in the email, but he gave me the encouraging words I needed.  He told me to write down what I'm learning.
He talks about being available, and apparently he practices it as well.
He talks about being "secretly incredible" and already assuming friends and family.
All of the proceeds of his book are going to charity where schools are being built all over the place- Uganda, northern Iraq, Mongolia, and on and on.
He is a very cool guy!

Pope Francis is joy personified.  I don't have television but I've been live streaming whatever I can! I watched the Pope at St. Patricks tonight and my heart leaped and soared as he was introduced, "Welcome Papa Francisco!"
The newscasters referring to him as "cute" are annoying, but I like these nuns having their own tailgating party!

 

 

 

Zac Danneman is one of my favorite people in this whole wide world.  He was my BFF in Kentucky and I got to see him this April as he was passing through Tucson before he left for traveling abroad.  This picture makes me smile...

I am still job hunting, connecting with more staffing agencies, networking with friends, and doing my own research on the side.  I'm thinking maybe I need to just start my own business!
Anyway, it looks like I will be doing a little sales gig at the U of A tailgating party Saturday- selling some fancy coffee which feels right up my alley. :)
I've been booked as a dog sitter for Thanksgiving, and I'm looking up and looking forward as much as I can each day. 
Remember, God never tires of forgiving.  We just get tired of asking.  Yes, I stole that from the Pope.  :)

God bless you!

Michelle Tooley

I took the day to breathe and rest, to regroup and get my feet back on the ground.  I made some calls and worked through some connections and contacts.

I spoke with my temp agent, one of the kindest people I've met since moving to Tucson.  She spoke the words I needed to hear about something better coming along.  Truth be told, I felt very isolated in that office, and I was beginning to feel antsy.  I fear sounding demanding when I speak of the small things that drain me, but I've learned that no windows, no contact with people, and no acknowledgement as a person can be a hard environment for me.  I like to move and to mingle, I like to be challenged and have some meaningful outlets. 

I walked to the cemetery close to my home this afternoon as the clouds hung heavy and drizzles came now and then.  It felt good to take off my flip flops and dig my bare feet into the healthy wet grass.  How lovely to feel the cooler weather, the shade beneath the trees, and the smell of the fresh cut grass.  I love walking through the largest cemetery in Arizona, Evergreen.  Every time I see something bewildering and fascinating.  I studied the tombs of the soldiers from WWI and WWII, young men who lived to be 20 or 22, and I looked at their names and reflected on their sacrifice.  I walked by a gravestone with fresh flowers and a half eaten slice of cake.  Was it his birthday? Was it an anniversary?  I kept seeing the verse about fighting the good fight of faith and finishing the race today, and I stored that in my heart.

A couple months ago I heard of the passing of one of my college professors, Dr. Michelle Tooley.  She wasn't just a professor to me, but she became a neighbor and friend.  She called on me on several occasions to dog sit and house sit for her while she traveled, and I loved staying at her home and walking Toby, sleeping warmly against his fluffy fur in the cold Kentucky winters.  Whenever I would come over to housesit, she would leave behind fresh baked cookies, clean sheets, television, and the washer and dryer to use.  She was so generous to me.  She had never married but had lived a full life in peace and social justice issues.  She was from Texas and never lost her soft soothing accent.  She was tall and cheerful, and she was known as a difficult teacher at Berea.  I took one of her classes and surprised many with an A-.  I loved the class she taught.  I didn't agree with her on everything, but I enjoyed sharing my opinion through the research and writing I did.  She made me uncomfortable and I told her so, but she also made me think and stretch a little too. 

I knew she was accomplished and intelligent, but I loved seeing the other sides of her too-  walks every day with her beloved dog scooping up his poop, not finding papers and failing at any type of organization, trying to lose weight, procrastination ... (I turned in a paper once and it took her months to finally find it under her welcome mat.) She had piles of Outdoor Hiking magazines, stacks of read and unread books, and postcards and bright mementos  from her travels around the world.  She was kind and generous to the her neighbors, church, and community.  She often had the International students to her home for dinner once a week, and she took trips up to J. C. Penny to help them find clothes for presentations, meetings, etc.,  She brought our night class cookies in the evenings.  I always felt she had a soft spot for me, for my raw and abrupt honesty, and I can remember her telling me, "Krista you can do anything."  I think it was the first time anyone had ever said that to me, and I will never forget the spark she gave to my wobbly heart.

A few years ago I was on lunch break at my job in Maine- sitting out in the sun looking across the street.  Out from nowhere I saw Michelle walking down the street with a shopping bag in her arms.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  It felt so surreal like I was back in Kentucky and we were meeting at the street corner again.  I ran over to her and chatted.  I remember she asked if I still had my bicycle- I was a notorious biker in Kentucky, and I told her I still biked some.  She was smiling and healthy and thrilled to be on vacation after extensive work that she was doing in and with Africa.  I'm glad I got to see her once again.  She was so excited about the work and doors that were opening for her and her students. 

My friend Zac tells me that she died in her home with friends singing to her.  It was peaceful and comforting.  She was only 62 when she died, after a two year battle with cancer. Michelle's life challenges me to look carefully at the world, to live imperfect and messy but with a full and open heart, and to make a difference in peoples lives.  Her life continues to inspire, and I know I will never forget her Texas sized heart and smile. 

Postive and Negative Voices

When you're down and life has thrown you more than a few curve balls, it's tempting to roll back into bed and pull the sheets over your head. 
I did today, but I finally got out of my slump early evening time.

One thing I can feel is that when you're at the bottom, you are more fragile and tender.  It's easy to hear the words people speak to you and interpret them as positive or negative.  When days are tough and you have already beaten yourself up, it's hard to hear words which might make you feel more like a failure. 

I remind myself tonight that no one has walked in anyone's shoes but their own, and if you have done right, your character can rest easy.  If you have made mistakes, your character can grow, but you don't necessarily need the pointers in the moment.  Some people don't know you well might not know the full extent of your cries, worries, desperation.  They might not see how critical and hard you can be on yourself or how you strive to give it your best, and a judgment might feel as though you are deserving of failure and loss. 

All I know is I have felt both today- the negative voices and the positive.  The negative ones tell me I did something wrong, I wasn't enough, and the positive ones tell me the job wasn't good for me, didn't suit me, and better things are ahead. 
I want to offer the balm to my friends and neighbors.  I understand the feeling of despair and confusion, self doubt and questions.  Sometimes there are no answers, and sometimes the best we can give to ourselves and each other is compassion and heart.  Let people rest.  Let people heal.  Offer grace...

Rainy Days and Mondays

I woke up this morning as a proud working lady after spending the evening doing all my laundry and packing my lunch.
I geared up my bike with optimism despite the rain because I have a job!

Once I got to work, ten minutes early, I turned on the lights, the radio, the computer, and put away my lunch. 
After about forty minutes, my boss (who has never spoken to me much before) walks in and tells me that she's letting me go... The warranties haven't been scanning clearly or well.  I was surprised and shocked, not the way I expected the day to go at all.  I looked at her and simply asked, "Do you want me to leave now?" Yes she said.  Okay I said.  Tears began to well up in my eyes along with the rain pouring down from heaven and it felt good to cry along with the skies.  Why Lord? Why is it so hard?

The truth is that I hated the job, but I felt I needed the job.  (And I do need a job!) I hated sitting on my ass all day and doing the same damn thing over and over.  But then again, what job is perfect? I could see the advantage of my low profile and simple job.  And at least I had a job...

I had myself a good cry, and then I stopped for a coke and heard the chirping birds.  I saw the clouds covering the tops of the mountains, and I saw the humor in it.  I'm a resilient survivor, to hell with it! Life goes on, and somehow it will be okay, but I have to figure out how to make the most of it.  So I'm back home and strategizing once again how I'm going to find a better job, how I'm going to pay my bills, and how I need to remember once again that God is close and near to me. 

Happy Sunday!

Happy SUNday!

The sun is shining brightly here in TucSUN.  Today has been a restful day of sun, sleep, and serenity. 

I finished reading The Weavers Way, Navajo Profiles, a book on loan to me by one of Le's sisters.  I enjoyed reading it and have so much admiration and respect for the Navajo traditions.  One lady said that she is asked to make certain things, but she feels she can only weave what is in in her heart.  I loved that.  It is such a fascinating tradition.  Le told me that he used to watch his grandmother do the carding and weaving, and she would instruct him which plants to pick to make her dyes.  So fascinating.  From reading the profiles, I sense how sacred and spiritual the tradition of weaving (and sheep ranching!) is to the Navajo way of life.  It is as if the artist is weaving in the sunsets and sunrises of beautiful Arizona.  Le tells me that you would be amazed at the mathematics required as well...
I was given a novel to read by Tony Hillerman from an old co-worker called The Shape Shifter.  I plan to read it next... He's very popular out here.

I went to a house warming party last night and it was absolutely delightful.  It was held outside, Dustin rented out chairs (a dollar a piece!) and tables from Party Central.  It was a large group of around 20 and so much fun to meet and mingle with new people and share in the celebration of my friends first home! We had smoked barbecue, fruit salad, potato salad, potato chips, cole slaw, beer, wine, lemonade, tea.  I struggled a bit to go, to get out and be social, but I forced myself to go knowing that life is for celebration and today is a gift.  It's an emotional time for me, but I'm pushing through knowing that the sun is still shining and there are always many things to be thankful for each day. 

Writing

I find that when my heart is heavy and sad, I can pretty much shut the world down and write.  I think writing is a medicine of sorts for me.  Is it bad that I don't feel like talking to my friends? Listening, yes.  Talking, no.  I want quiet and peace and the free flow of my magical cheap little instrument.  While I was working today, I started thinking about my writing and how I've neglected it lately.  I've gotten lazy with my journal entries and I haven't stretched myself much. 

All day long I had various images of people from my past with questions or comments said to me.  Linked together, I realized I love to write and there have been numerous people that have believed in me as a writer.  I also could see and feel that I have a lot of deeply (and not so hidden) insecurities about my writing. 

I actually have a lot of insecurities.  I think about my grammar and my intelligence.  Is my vocabulary grand enough? Have I read enough to even consider myself a writer? Why can't I dig all the  classics? There are so many great writers out there, so much smarter and better read...
I have insecurities about the things I share.  Even in writing this blog, people could read and interpret things in such different ways.  Because writing is so personal to me, I fear criticism and judgment.  I need to not care at all, but I still care.  I think about my lack of discipline and how others work so much harder at their craft, and the list goes on.

But then I remember myself as a little girl hid in the back of a closet and alone.  I buried myself in a library closet with an old beat up typewriter.  I stretched myself on the floor and typed out my thoughts in letters, poems, stories, and I was happy doing so.  In writing I get back in touch with that girl, an intrinsic part of who I am.  It was a time before jobs and careers, making a living and surviving.  Expression was important to me whether I was pretending to ice skate on green shabby carpet or dance to the music of my record player.  I liked to write because it flowed out of me in a better way than the words I could speak.  Writing allowed me to keep myself free and solid, still tender and feeling and full of dreams. 

My Tips on Frugality!

I've decided to start getting serious about saving money.  Don't think I'm a total idiot, because this is sounding new.  I wanted to before but it was hard to save without steady cash flow.  Now that I have steady cash flow, even though it's low, it's steady and enough to save if I'm smart.  I've started budgeting with Dave Ramsey, and here are some helpful hints of my own!

1.  ONLY DRINK WATER.  It simplifies your life and is a lot healthier.  I even bring a mug to work and tea bags- that's how cheap I am.  Cutting back on coffee, coke, vitamin zero, monsters... heck of a savings.

2.  HANG CLOTHES UP TO DRY.  Savings and it feels nice and old fashioned hanging them out to dry on a clothes line.

3.  RIDE YOUR BICYCLE.  I find that my bicycle trips are even faster than taking the bus!

4.  BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR PANTRY.  We all have items that are hid and need to be brought to the front and center.  Create something interesting with what you have and make it an adventure to use up what is already there before buying more.  (EXTRA HELPFUL HINT: Go to Trader Joe's and stock up on spices.  It will enhance every meal to use and have fun with them.  Example: my turmeric pasta with chicken and slivered fresh Indian corn dish last night!)

5.  LISTEN TO THE RADIO, MUSIC, and NETFLIX (on occasion).  You can cancel anytime, so treat yourself every couple months.  It doesn't have to be monthly.  Better yet, find somebody that you can bum off of if you're lucky!

6.  LOOK FOR EXTRA WORK.

7.  LOOK FOR THINGS TO SELL THAT YOU DON'T USE!

8.  CALL YOUR BILL COMPANIES.  I have learned that if you ask (kindly) for a discount, they will usually give you one especially if you are level headed and kind.  It definitely pays to be nice.

9.   KEEP TRACK MONTHLY OF YOUR BILLS.

10. TREAT YOURSELF WITH THINGS LIKE a walk in the park, a swim after work, a conversation with a friend, a long bath... NOT MATERIAL THINGS!

11.  FINALLY, QUIT THE DAMN, BORING, PRETENTIOUS GYM.  It sucked anyway! Now that you're bicycling to and from work, bicycling around town, and swimming when you get a chance, you're probably losing more weight than when you were going to the gym in a rush and hurry. 

12.  WHEN OUT OF PAPER TOWELS OR TIRED OF USING THEM, use real towels or coffee paper brews.  They are super cheap and work great for cleaning things up.  :) I use them a lot especially now that I'm not drinking coffee to save money!

LIFE IS PRECIOUS.  AVOID TARGET.  AVOID IMPULSES.   MAKE CARDS.  MAKE LISTS. 
STOP SPENDING AND START SMILING!

What's new?

What's new? Not too much.  I practiced a large dose of apartment therapy this weekend, and let's just say... my apartment feels about a zillion times better- home is the haven of my soul. 

I discovered my blood type from the last time I gave blood and nearly passed out doing so.  After giving blood I didn't feel back to myself for probably three days.  Still, I like the idea of giving my blood to help save someone's life.  I am blood type A positive, and according to Japanese tradition, I am a "farmer".  I read the personality type, and it jives pretty well with me.  I think it's so interesting that the Asian world bases much of their interactions on it. 

I opened a free account to Dave Ramsey "Every Dollar Matters".  I listen to him two hours out of my work day now, and I enjoy him a great deal.  My days circle around the radio- John Jay Justus (local Tucson), Dave Ramsey, the World on NPR.  Once in a while a little country or K Love.

The Tucson Bus Strike continues- day 35.  Personally, I notice that I am much happier not riding, but I feel badly for the people that are suffering because the city is so weak in leadership. 
So many big things are going on in the world- the Syrian refuge crisis touches me so, and I am looking into ways to do something. 

Still reflecting on the message from Sunday.  I like the idea of putting all my self into the offering plate.  Also, each ingredient to make a chocolate cake can taste pretty awful by itself, but in the end- after being stirred and baked with time- it works out and tastes sweet.  A clever reminder of God working all things out for good in our lives.

Grilled out, played cards, and watched some fantastic movies this weekend.  I'll be honest- a lot of tear jerkers.  Unbroken, Home Front, The Man from Nowhere! Some intense movies! But it also felt good to laugh myself to oblivion with Tyler Perry's movie, A Madea Christmas.  It felt so, so good to laugh!

I finally have a couch...