I just finished reading this book by Mr. Eric Klinenberg. I saw it at the library, and I honestly wasn't sure I would enjoy reading it. But the book was so interesting that I read it nonstop for the last two days. I thought the changes in our society were fascinating... years ago living alone was taboo and unwelcome, but today it's almost a sign of status. My mind was curious of the reasons for all these changes and reflective of my various living situations and ones to come.
I like living alone, but it is mostly a luxury of the middle class-- I haven't always been at middle class status. Living alone in Maine was tough, if not all together impossible, but it was still very lovely to me. I took great pleasure in lighting candles, nourishing my body with a nice home cooked meal, reading in my lazy boy, and so forth. I absolutely love making home a cozy, blissful sanctuary. I've also lived with roommates, rented rooms, lived in a college dorm, and in a business.
One observation that I feel as a single woman is I don't always feel as welcomed at church. I've lived in various places and been to a variety of churches in the last decade. While living in South Carolina I went to a church regularly (every Sunday and attended Bible studies, etc., ) but it was only when I brought my friend Patrick, a tall lanky guy, that I felt like everyone was friendly with me. It was strange, but I think it's not all that uncommon. I think churches can be scared of single people, especially women, for some reason. I'm not sure all the reasons, but maybe it's because we're transient, unmarried, quiet (I can be), childless. I don't know exactly, but I remember the difference was so profound. I was taken aback by it. I'd been going to that church for months and all of a sudden out of the woodwork everyone is greeting me.
When I lived in Kansas City, I went to a Baptist church that I loved and walked to every Sunday and during the week. I don't remember anyone much initiating contact with me. I was also very young, but I do remember an older man telling me one time, "I see you." That has stayed in my mind as well. It was as if he could see that I was invisible but wanted to assure me that he saw me coming to church often.
More recently, I attended a beautiful church in Southwest Harbor, Maine, and I had the most amazing experience there. From the very beginning, I was embraced, welcomed, included, and accepted. It was healing and uplifting. The Pastor, I believe, set the tone in encouraging the congregation to ask new people out to dinner, and he also went out of his way to spend a little time getting to know me one on one. I miss that church so much. I found myself easily falling into roles of volunteering and being a part of the body. It blessed me immensely. I never have felt weird going to church alone, sitting by myself- truthfully I prefer going by myself, but I felt incredibly at ease in that church. It was family. When I think about this church in comparison to past experiences, I am not sure if it's the church or my own personal growth as well. I think I've opened up a lot more, I'm more engaging with others, more willing to risk, more comfortable interacting with men, and more sure of myself. This might be a large part of it, but whatever the reason, I think the Church might be an interesting discussion in regards to singleness. I wonder what others might have experienced.
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