Brittany

When I was a young teenager I desperately wanted to make money of my own so that I could buy a guitar.  A nice guitar.  I decided to try babysitting since I wasn't old enough to get legally employed.  I handed out fliers all throughout my neighborhood and got many calls. 

I remember my first Friday night being picked up by Brittany's dad, John, and meeting Brittany for the first time.  She was shy but presented me with a piece of colored art, hugged me, and I noticed her brown hair, brown eyes, and polite manner.  She was an only child with a 40ish year old dad that was busy with a car dealership and a new step mom that was teeny tiny, a substitute teacher that sometimes blended in with the elementary kids.  Her name was Jill and she was 25.  Believe it or not, she seemed kind of old to me back then. 

I ended up becoming a regular at the Howerton home.  Every Friday night and sometimes Friday and Saturday night I would plan on being picked up to "babysit" Brittany.  I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  I loved spending time with Brittany- we watched movies, ate together, talked, and I remember singing and dancing with her to Mariah Carey's "Hero".  I also remember her asthma treatments and tucking her in to bed.  To me, time before bed is the sweetest with kids.  They are so tender and innocent, so dreamy and imaginative, so vulnerable to their hurts and pains.  Brittany was a fun, beautiful girl, but I also felt she was lonely.  She lived in a big home as an only child with a new step mom that was learning how to parent, and she missed her mother.  Her mother was fighting her own demons at the time of alcoholism, and I think that was very tough on Britt.  She confided in me about her mom and also about how weird it was to have a step mom that looked like she was Britt's nine year old size.  She also loved having her back rubbed at night.

I was just a young teenager at the time, and I suppose I was also very lonely myself.  I was also living in a home where I felt alone and with parents that I didn't understand.  I honestly don't have a lot of memories or recollection of my life before 20, but I still can see Brittany- meeting her for the first time- peeking out with her crayons and papers. 

All of these years I have thought of her and how fun it would be to find her again and reconnect.  I could find her on facebook and see the beautiful woman she has become.  I figured she was married, had a boyfriend, maybe children, had a very bright future.  I have looked for her and this weekend I did a more thorough research.  What I discovered was heart wrenching.  I cried and cried.  Brittany died at age 18 shortly after graduating from Riverdale High School.  I have reached out to the parents to express my sympathy and memories, but I haven't heard anything from them yet.  I just wanted to share how blessed I feel that I knew and loved Brittany.  She opened my life to the heart of caring for a child and that has been such a gift to me.  She was the very beginning of something special to me.

I have been thinking about her death at 18 and my life at 18 up until now, 35.  Sometimes I feel very down on myself, but I am thankful for the life I've lived and sorry that Brittany did not experience more.  Since the age of 18, I have enjoyed so many precious friendships, travels, adventures, loves, growth, failures, education, service, work, beauty.  Brittany did not have the opportunity to grow into being a woman, possibly grow more into being herself. 
Even though I only knew Brittany when she was around 9-10 years of age, I miss her and miss knowing that she's out there in this world living her life.