I haven't written in my blog in a long time. Life has crept up on me, and I have been busy. Things have been discouraging with the job situation here in Seattle, a pain in the ass, to be honest, and the day after I was offered the Arts for All position- the Jesuits called to schedule an interview. All of this is very exciting, of course, but it has been a lot.
First, I need a summer job. I need a summer job to pay some bills and basically get from point A to point B. My goal was to find a restaurant job because I thought that would be the quickest way to make a buck in a short time, and I have plenty of experience. Well, the first job I landed was at a Mediterranean bistro with the most annoying manager I've ever experienced. A native of Turkey, she can also be hard to understand. In between shots of liquor or wine, she yells at her workers to do a million things while she waits on ALL the tables in the entire restaurant. That's right. She doesn't hire other servers, she takes all the tables and no one gets very great service because she is not on top of her own shit! Sorry for the language, but I had to slip back into my restaurant frustration while thinking about this. On top of this, she doesn't understand percentages and that most every restaurant out there tips their workers a set percentage instead of whatever they fancy in the moment. I worked very hard there for very little pay, but I couldn't continue to work there. My moment of joy was whenever I was called to go get gelato for customers. In the process I would take a sampling spoon and get myself a nice big taste. My favorite, by the way, is salted caramel and a close second is caramel fig. They are to die for, but I don't recommend going to the Olive and Grape if you are in a hurry.
My second restaurant was Georgia's. It's a little hole in the wall across from Fred Meyer on 85th street. I loved the feel of the place. It is very old fashioned in style but actually well organized and nice people. The place had a Help Wanted sign up, so I went inside and dropped off my resume. The owner called me and I came in to observe for three days! Three days! No pay, just observing, being led on. Finally, he told me that he was overwhelmed and would call me after Mother's day. True to his word, he called me after Mother's Day to tell me he's overwhelmed and could I wait till May 27th when his fiancé from Albania returns? I told him I appreciated his straightforwardness, thanked him, and said I looked forward to hearing from him again. (Keep all doors open.) But I suddenly felt free from all this crazy Mediterranean restaurant nonsense. I love culture, but I like the American way of working and getting paid!
So this morning I got back on the job hunt and applied to several positions at the Space Needle. I like that it is a big organization, and I like that it's a summer job. Perfect for what I need. Tomorrow I go in to an invite only job fair held on the 100th floor. I'm hopeful. I think it's time that I get the restaurants out of my head and look into something different. This could be a very interesting job, too. Despite all the setbacks, I'm pressing forward and feeling optimistic.
In the process of all of this, I have had to make a decision about Ameri Corp. And it's been Mother's Day, which always strikes a sharp chord. One, it reminds me that I don't have a Mother, that I miss my Grandma and Kathy and family, and it also reminds me that I am not a Mother and my biological clock is almost done ticking. :(). Actually I didn't think about it all that much. I thought about the people I was serving and seeing at the restaurant. I thought about the lovely blond mother in a wheelchair with her proud two sons taking her to dinner. I thought about how lovely she looked in her blue flowery dress, what sacrifice she had made for them, and how taking their mom out to dinner was so special for them. It made me feel so grateful to be watering their empty glasses and getting her a take out box. And I listened to the three women in the back of the restaurant getting hammered on My Big Fat Greek Wine talking about Mother's Day and their hurts and ex's and mothers. And I didn't hear the details, but I knew enough to know it was not easy. And I hear from the old friend that's still in dysfunction with his ex and of course they had their traditional dinner together as a family at a restaurant in Bar Harbor. It stings a little, but then I sit back and accept that some people don't see their own issues or care to change... They are happy in their dysfunction, and I breathe relief to not be a part of it.
I free myself to dream again. I sleep deeply and do very little to gain a sense of myself once again. I read through Proverbs over and over again and let the wisdom sink into my soul. So many of the proverbs are filled with thought and reflection. Better is a little with integrity than a lot with lies. The words of a God lover feed and nourish souls to life. These are my paraphrases. I guess I'm trying to get back into the grounded wisdom of life. I want to hold on to the things that matter and be a person that lives a life that matters.
I had my interview with the Jesuits today. It was almost two hours long. It was exhausting. I felt drained from it. I love the service it entails, but as a thirty five year old woman, I have bills and need plans as to how I will integrate back into life after my service is done. Living on 100.00 a month is very simple living, which is great, but it's also very little saving. I was offered the position in Arizona first, and even though many of my friends are in favor of the Northwest, I am drawn to the Southwest. Maybe it's the experience of a new culture (southwest) and the desert, pools, valleys, Spanish, and Natives, but I feel up for it. I feel curious about the art projects and the program and biking in Tucson and making my way there. I don't feel I can give up my independence right now and I also don't feel like I can go into something without knowing I have an idea where I will be next. It seems like I've made my decision, and with this, I'm feeling peace. I think I simply need to know where I'm going to work towards that goal.
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